Having a dream where your partner cheats on you is not the universe telling you that it’s going to happen, guys.
Kate Bubacz / BuzzFeed News
Telling your partner you “like them better” when they dress or look a certain way.
“Whenever I would try a new hair color, my ex would always tell me he liked my blonde hair best. When I lost a noticeable amount of weight, he would tell me how he missed having something to hold on to. He would always follow that with something like, ‘You don’t need to lose more weight, I loved you when you were heavier,’ as if I was losing weight for the sole reason of keeping him interested.
“It made me feel like what I wanted wasn’t what he wanted me to be, and it always made me feel bad about myself. It’s not healthy — complimenting someone is okay, but not telling someone you prefer them a certain way.“
TMZ / Via popkey.co
Changing your personality or appearance in order to please your S.O.
“I have friends who are willing to change their looks or habits (that aren’t bad in any way, shape, or form) just to please their significant other! This frustrates me so much because relationships should be about accepting the other person for who they are, not how you think they should be.”
FOX / Via whosthatgirl-itsjess.tumblr.com
Apologizing in a way that doesn’t own up to your actions because you don’t want to admit you’re wrong.
“Make sure you’re ACTUALLY apologizing and taking ownership over what you did. Things like ‘I’m sorry you took it that way,’ or ‘I’m sorry you thought that,’ are not actual apologies.”
Trying to influence who your partner should or shouldn’t be friends with.
“You have no authority or ownership over your significant other. Your significant other is allowed to be friends with whoever they want to be friends with. If there’s a particular friend you have a problem with, then you can have a conversation about it with your partner and work it out like mature adults.”
BRAVO / Via tenor.com
Thinking your relationship needs to be like a romantic comedy in order for it to work.
“Your relationship does not need to be like the ones you see on TV or in the movies. It does not need some sort of consistent drama in order to be a happy, functioning relationship. Expecting every minute with your partner to be like a ~rom-com~ is incredibly unrealistic and unsustainable.”
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Stalking your partner’s social media to figure out whether you can trust them or not.
“Someone was recently telling me about how she watched her boyfriend log into his Instagram so she would know his password. She then logged into his account on her own phone and went through his DMs, just to figure out whether she could actually trust him or not. Seems like there are other issues to be worked out there.”
Paramount Pictures / Via tenor.com
Or passive-aggressively airing out all your issues and grievances through social media.
“Posting about your significant other on social media is awesome! But there are some things that should stay private between partners, especially any drama they’re having. Putting on social media that you’re upset with your boyfriend won’t fix anything and could even escalate the problem. Work things out face to face, without any input from ~Aunt Linda~ in the comments section.”
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Expecting your significant other to read your mind.
“Just be open about how you feel. If you like something, say it. If you dislike something, say it. Don’t just expect your S.O. to know everything that’s on your mind. That’s just setting yourself up for disappointment.”
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Relying on your partner for all of your emotional AND physical support/needs.
“It’s nice to be in a relationship, but your partner is not responsible for your overall wellbeing and happiness. You are responsible for that. So try to keep some independence and solve issues on your own, or go to your family and friends for advice too. Also take your physical needs into your own hands and masturbate every now and then. YOU DON’T need your partner for everything.”
Keeping everything that’s bothering you pent up, while you pretend like everything is fine.
“My boyfriend never tells me something is bothering him until we’re in a knock- down, drag-out fight about something that’s completely unrelated. Out of nowhere, he’s all of a sudden yelling at me about leaving cups by the sink, and not putting my shoes in the basket, etc., when we were originally arguing about a simple text message. It’s unfair for him to pretend like he’s fine all the time and then just come at me with these things I had no idea were a problem.
“I’ve learned that you should always at least acknowledge when you’re feeling off or unhappy, and address it in the moment so it doesn’t become something much bigger later.“
Keeping score and holding things over your partner’s head.
“Work together and be a team. Sometimes, one person does more than the other and vice versa, and that’s okay! It’s not a competition.”
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Or playing games and making your partner upset or jealous just to get back at them.
“Nothing gets solved by giving your partner what you believe they ~deserve~. Playing a game of who can make the other jealous, upset, or hurt the most is incredibly immature and is only going to lead to resentment and further issues.”
FOX / Via rebloggy.com
Criticizing and berating your partner, or using any kind of cussing, during arguments.
“Yes, sometimes fights can get heated. But try your best to talk to your partner the way you’d want them to talk to you — no matter how worked up you get. Being hostile (swearing, yelling, saying hurtful things) is only going to set the precedent for how you and your partner treat each other in the future. Good communication makes for a good relationship, always!”
Giving up your time with friends/family, hobbies, and overall independence just because you’re in a relationship.
“Some people enter into a relationship and lose their own identity, and it just doesn’t work. Stop relying on your partner for your happiness. Have your own hobby, friends, job, whatever. Do what makes you happy. Love yourself!”
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Taking out hanger, crankiness, stress, anger, etc. out on your partner, just because you can get away with it.
“WE GET IT, being in a bad mood sucks. But don’t treat me like shit just because you forgot to eat breakfast or because you’re having a bad day. Thanks.”
BRAVO / Via giphy.com
And thinking that if your partner truly loves you, then they should want to be with you or be talking with you 24/7.
“Social media and unlimited texting make people feel like they have to constantly be connected to each other. They assume that if their S.O. doesn’t respond to their messages, then that means the relationship isn’t healthy and they’re probably being cheated on. Give your partner some space! It makes the time you do spend with each other much more valuable.”
Paramount Pictures / Via tenor.com
Taking out your own insecurities on your partner.
“I cannot stress this enough: If you have a dream that your partner cheated on you, that is NOT the universe giving you a sign. That is your conscience playing off your own fears of what you think your partner is capable of.
If you have a dream your partner cheated on you, then you need to figure out what the underlying problem is and not just jump to conclusions — it could be anything from your partner giving you reason to think that’s a possibility, or it could be you’re insecure because of past experiences.”
Nickelodeon / Via popkey.co
Consistently bringing up and putting down your exes.
“Look, it’s understandable that exes are going to come up in conversation sometimes. But you don’t need to be petty and bring them up just to talk badly about them in every conversation. It can be a little awkward and weird. Plus, at some point we’re going to start wondering why you’re still thinking about them and talking about them all the time.”
Universal Pictures / Via popsugar.com
Or making assumptions about your current partner based on past experiences you’ve had with shitty exes.
“Do not compare your partner to your crappy exes. Yes, your ex may have hurt you. But your new partner is not your ex, and if you’re going to be in a new relationship you have to give your new partner an actual chance, free of preconceived assumptions that may or may not be correct.”
ABC / Via tenor.com
Fighting or trying to solve issues via text.
“I hate, hate, HATE it when someone tries to bring up or solve an argument over text. There are too many things that can be lost in translation, and in most cases, trying to message about issues will do more bad than good. It’s best to just wait it out until you can talk everything through in person.”
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Making commitments or promises that you know you can’t keep.
“When you say you’ll be somewhere by a certain time, don’t say ‘on my way’ when you’re not ready to leave. Or if you say you’ll be able to run an errand or do your partner a favor, be honest with yourself about whether you really have the time. In a relationship, you want to be able to trust each other and depend on each other. Don’t dig yourself into a hole by overpromising and overcommitting yourself.“
TV Land / Via tenor.com
Getting jealous about everything and anything, and thinking that jealousy is a measurement of how much you love your partner.
“People need to stop acting like toxic amounts of jealousy are normal. If you’re jealous and hurt because your partner is having coffee with someone of a gender they’re attracted to, you probably have trust issues and need to work those out.”
Island Records / Via memes.com
And lastly, saying “yes” to everything because you’re afraid of disappointing your partner.
“You shouldn’t feel guilty for saying no sometimes. Just like you shouldn’t make your partner feel guilty for having to say no sometimes. People have their limitations and those should be respected in a happy/healthy relationship.”
NBC / Via giphy.com
Responses have been edited for length and clarity.
Keep in mind that in a relationship where physical, emotional, or substance abuse is an issue, seeking professional help is essential. If you’ve experienced any of these, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-7233, or the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration (SAMHSA), 1-877-726-4727, for help.
Follow along at BuzzFeed.com/NewYearsRevolution from Jan. 1 to Jan. 14, 2018.